Wednesday, December 13

Dropping The F-Bomb!

It was inevitable really. Just a matter of time. I wish I could blame Mrs Electric Mommy for the whole affair, but, truth is, it was me who takes the rap for this one.

It started about two weeks ago whilst I was taking newspapers out to the stack in the garage. On the way I stubbed my pinky toe and out of instinct, habit and generally poor judgement, yelled out a resounding "FUCK!!!" The Sprite of Fury was only feet away, well within earshot. But he did not acknowledge theoutburst, and continued on with his toddling. I thought for sure I had gotten away with that one.

And for a few days I did.

But kids are a wiley breed. They know way more than they let on. So when he looked like he was innocently toddling in that post-expleted moment, he was in fact processing, filing and tagging the new word. It was later in the week when he decided to test his new word. A toy was not going back in its rightful place, behind the toy-box under the window, and to express his displeasure with the situation, The Sprite spoke, and spoke loud.

At first I was not sure if he was saying Frog or Fork, both words he has been saying for months, but with Toddlerese pronuciation come out sounding like the word he should not be speaking. He said it again. And again. Each time getting louder, until I was sure I was in BIG trouble. I downplayed the whole event, hoping my lack of encouragement would let him forget and move on to other new words, like Squirrel perhaps.

Sadly this tactic did not work. Fuck! has such resonance that even a 2 year old obviously will have great difficulty erasing it from the neural databanks. Mrs Electric Mommy informed me The Sprite had a little FUCK! outburst of such energy that by the fourth FUCK! he was screaming the word at the top of his lungs, as if had just hiked to the top of Mount Toddlington only to realise he had forgotten his Elmo teddy. "FFFHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKK!! He yells.

Obviously we are glad he did not break out this little gem at the Church Pre-school Nativity Singalong last weekend. Or indeed anytime at his pre-school. We have tried using replacement words whenever he drops an F-Bomb into the mix. And there is not much else more ridiculous than grown men and women yelling "Fudge" or "Shoot" or "Fumblesticks" at the top of their lungs. Especially when said attemps only encourage The Sprite of Filth to drop another F-Bomb of Bunker-Buster proportion.

So, to this point in time, our attempts has been mostly futile. But we have not given up. We'll continue to try to clean up the toxic spill. And I'll keep you posted....


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1 comment:

Cheeseburger Brown said...

Dear DJ,

There is no rational explanation for the fact that my daughter has yet to say "fuck." If it were a more notable subject a really awful infotainment piece would have been produced on the subject for small hours TV on the science-fiction channel, called "B E L I E V E" or something.

Regrettably, I have uttered the word in her presence. Not casually, mind you, and certainly not without post-exclamation shame.

Perhaps the lack of stickiness into child-mind is due to the fact that I've never used it all alone, as you did ("fuuuuuck!"), but rather in the midst of an adult sentence like, "I can't fucking believe it!" or "Great fuck on a pogo!" or "What the fuck?"

More likely, however, is that she heard me, knows the word, but has filed it away for another day. "Shit" falls into this category. If somebody says "shit" she tells them, "You shouldn't say that," and sometimes recommends alternatives, "oh darn it."

She briefly experimented with a generous use of "crap", but we made it clear that was a classless way to express herself and did not meet with our approval.

She complied, but I never the less fear one day she'll explode with a repressed ball of Tourette's we've been slowly and inadvertantly feeding for the past four years.

Good luck with your little F-bomb delivery vector!

Love,
Cheeseburger Brown